They all did the huki lau

13 Feb

The invite said come in something “Hawaiian”.  Naturally, I made an entrance in black-blue pin-striped slacks, a black sweater, black charole moccasins and pitch black shades.   Because.

The Grade 4-5 kids swaying to “Surfing USA” did a great job.  And the Grade 1-2 pupils skipping to Sebastian’s “Under the Sea” in costumes of different sea creatures was the most adorable sight to behold.   But as I sat in the audience, amidst a sea of neon-pink/apple-green wrap-arounds, and the most unfortunate collection of plastic flower headdresses mankind had ever seen, watching other grades perform, I was stumped with many very difficult questions.

– Can allowing school kids watch 40-ish mommies, with their tummy rolls jiggling over their grass skirts, gyrate to the tune of “Hawaii Five-0”, be considered child abuse in a court of law?  Will school-funded trauma counselling be available, at the very least, for the children of the performing PTAers?  [Not likely. On both counts.]

– How could teachers miss that valuable cultural learning opportunity: Neither Gloria Estefan’s “Conga” nor reggae music elicit visions of the Pacific islands?  [Kids, Hawaii here.  Carribean there.]

– Is it fair to intro with an homage to the beautiful indegenous flora of Hawaii, then segue to high school kids slithering to the tune of “Bulaklak” by the Sex Bomb dancers?  [Natives of the island state might protest.]

Veeery difficult questions, I say.

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